Today I am 40. The last few weeks I have been reflecting on what I’ve learned and lost these past 40 years. It is a valuable and remarkable check-in point. I remember my mom throwing my dad an over the top 40th birthday bash. I also remember a pile of black gift bags saying “over the hill”. Our culture portrays this milestone as a celebration of life and doomsday all-in-one, but I want a different experience. I want to reflect on what I have let go of, be thankful for what I have learned and ponder on what can be.
The past 40 years have taught me to let go of perfectionism. In its place I have learned to not let “perfect” be the enemy of good. I let go of explaining myself, and embraced the phrase “no thank you”. I let go of resistance and instead accept what is. I traded needing to figure it all out for childlike curiosity. I stopped people-pleasing, and instead practice self-acceptance and healthy boundary setting. My friend Art once likened me to vanilla extract. When I looked at him funny, he went on to explain. When vanilla extract is poured from a shot glass into cake batter, it can be the secret ingredient to the cake’s success. That same shot glass poured into the ocean, well, you’ve lost all its potency through dilution. When I am spread too thin, I cannot make the impact I want to in this world.
The past 40 years have taught me that I get to go first. My greatest struggle is failing to put my oxygen mask on first. Gabe is always reminding me to take care of myself. I am fully aware of the tendency not to do this. Now self-care is a daily practice for me. Activities like yoga, journaling, meditation and taking my vitamins are on my daily checklist. If I am left to my own devices, I will put my needs last. When I take care of me, there is more of me to give.
In the next 40 years, I get to be my greatest cheerleader because at times I’ve been my greatest critic. Ultimately, I have found there is no power in victimhood. I also know that as much as I am 100% responsible for my joy, I should not take others’ words and actions personally. This is hard at times, but accountability flames the fire of my personal growth, as does surrounding myself with soulful books and the wisdom of enlightened friends and family.
The past 40 years have taught me that no matter the battle I face, all is well. In the oneness of the present moment I am always awed by the peace that is right here for the taking. Fear and worry are illusions I face every single day. I’m incessantly fighting back by staying present to the now. It may take some deep breathing and meditation to get here. Accepting what is allows me to ride the wave. The flow of life is that beautiful place where I’m not grinding it out, rather I’m allowing life to unfold for me. I love those days where everything happens like a symphony. One thing leading to the next. Timely phones calls, running into people I’ve been thinking about or just the right person showing up to solve a problem. Sometimes I am so present I don’t realize it’s happening. There is no way to describe the feeling of complete surrender. I just know I miss it when I am in resistance. I look forward to being present and connecting with my loved ones in the next 40 years.
The past 40 years have taught me to give and serve. I have learned that I will experience highs and lows to heights and depths I did not know were possible. When I am down and out, I go back to being in gratitude and service to others. The essence of gratitude changes the energy of any situation. Laughter and self-deprecating humor go a long way too. Instead of getting weighed down by the seriousness of my calling–I use it to fuel me. When I help a family navigate the medical system to save their seizing child, I know that I am a ripple in a tidal wave advancing towards a cure for pediatric epilepsy. The happiness generated from helping others always elevates my spirit.
So this is 40. What a beautiful thing. Just like the poetic wisdom imparted to us through John Denver’s “Sweet Surrender”:
To just be here today, and I don’t know what the future is holding in store,
I don’t know where I’m going, I’m not sure where I’ve been.
There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me,
my life is worth the living, I don’t need to see the end.Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without care,
like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air.
Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without care,
like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air.
Blessings,
Mrs. Griess